2017 was garnered the most challenging year of my life. At the beginning of the year, my husband was diagnosed with being in the early stages of Alzheimer’s and then two other health threats following. Shortly after his diagnosis he was fired with only 2 months of unemployment to collect. Then just as it looked like our family was starting to unify—it all fell apart. The lines of communication were fragile enough—now it looked like even the fiber optics were broken. For one whole year I applied, diligently, for better employment opportunities. But it seemed like I was stuck on a job where Pharaoh was my suspect employer — the workload doubled, but my straw was starting to diminish.
I walked away from the church—not God, because I had become anguished by the repetitive formalism of church which, to me, had become nothing more than a religious production. I wanted a deeper walk with God, not just skimming the surface to massage my guilty conscious or find a prophetic word to make me feel better —without any change—or walking in religious pulchritude. “Knowing the word, religious, but not having a gift of discernment or power and authority over the prince of the air.” (Mark 2:6-8)
The only change I recognized was I needed a change!
The only change I recognized was I needed a change! Somewhere deep inside my spirit I always believed there was nothing religious about the word of God or its applications. And knowing the miraculous works of Jesus Christ, then we ourselves, if we truly believed, applied the word, prayed and obeyed instruction—would be able to do not only as he did, but greater works as he said we could.
After all, I witnessed a stroke victim fully restored who doctors said would never have function of her right side again. Our eldest son delivered from two heart attacks—on the second one flat-lined and was brought back to life. Our baby boy, at seven-years old, was hit by a moving truck and his life was spared with his head only inches away from the front truck tire. Our youngest daughter in her early childhood years, stayed in and out of the hospital emergency room with a diagnosis of chest wall pain that caused me to wear a beeper—constantly staying on red alert. Yet one day she finally came out of it. My mother flat lined during what should have been a minor surgery and was brought back. Myself diagnosed with a form of leukemia, the doctors never told me until years later, they’d only given me three months after my final round of chemo and only thirty days before the treatment, but ten years later I am still standing by the grace of God.
With each one of these miraculous occurrences it was not some fantasy, a dream or something read in a book—these miracles came to pass by, prayer and obedience to a word from God.
In hindsight, when all these miracles occurred; my husband and I were prayer warriors in the strongest sense of the word. However, this past year our prayer lives became lost somewhere between where is God in all of this and did He really promise us those things we thought we heard Him say?
Many of us have asked this question on numerous occasions—If God is truly God, then where is He in all of this? How can God let this happen?
Perhaps God is still here but I mislaid my faith — Maybe we moved further away from him when our circumstances should have drawn us closer. Or is it possible at this very moment, He is carrying me through this situation, as His voice whispers to my noisome thoughts of hopelessness while I teeter on the border of insanity?
What you believe has to become a knowing.
It is right here, in this desert of your thoughts, you must reconcile the difference between what you believe and what you see. What you believe has to become a knowing. You must be still and know that He is God. (Psalm 46:10) What you see could be a mirage of fear or the sands of despair blowing you away from the right perspective.
You need the eyes of faith to bridge the gap between your belief system and your present circumstances. How do you acquire this faith? Faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God. (Romans 10:17) We have to practice what is preached —and not just be hearers of the word alone. You must allow the scriptures to permeate your heart. It is not enough to just hear the word of truth; because until you are a doer of the word God does not consider you to be trustworthy— nor will you be genuinely blessed. (James 1:23-25)
As we wander through these blogographies of faith, perhaps you will find how you got there and why. It is this writer’s prayer your survival tactics be fortified by the approaching examples of stories of those who, by faith, came out victoriously on the other side; by the hand of God, to their Oasis of Promises.
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